If you are a single mother by choice, thinking of becoming a single mother by choice, or just curious how I got to be a single mother by choice, this is list of resources, references, and links to help you out.
On deciding to become an SMC –
Choosing Single Motherhood: Skipping Steps to My Happily-Ever-After
Pre-Conception Plans and Decisions
Refusing to Wallow in My Single Status
Who’s Your Daddy? The Daunting Task of Choosing a Donor
Motherhood Loves Company; The Magic of Mothers Groups
On my fertility journey –
The Tips, Tricks, and Superstitions of Conceiving
Two-Week Torture: Surviving the Waiting Period (No Pun Intended)
Just Don’t “Jinx It” When You’re TTC
Not This Time, Dealing with Disappointment When Trying to Conceive
When You’re Trying to Conceive, It’s Not as Easy as “Just Relax”
Forgiving Myself for My Emotions While Trying to Conceive
On pregnancy –
Pregnancy: The Secret I Just Couldn’t Keep
When Does Pregnancy Start to Feel Real?
Overcoming Baby Store Syndrome
The Best and Worst Things About Being Pregnant and Single
The Name Game: When to Choose and Share Baby’s Name
On single parenting issues –
Beyond Biology: Why I’m Not (Too) Afraid of Father’s Day
Honesty Over Ease: Why I Won’t Avoid the Daddy Question
The Hardest Part of Being a Single Mom
Don’t Cancel Father’s Day on Account of This Single Mom’s Son
Unlocking Family: Discovering Diblings
Single Mothers By Choice – Website, blog, and online forums for single women thinking, trying, and parenting. I have really bonded with the woman who I tried to conceive with, shared my pregnancy with, and since have shared parenting woes and wonders with. If you’re looking for a supportive community here is the place to start! There are also local chapters of SMC connected to this site that have face-to-face meetings all over the country.
Donor Sibling Registry – A site to connect and educate about donor sibling and donor family connections. I was actually able to connect through my cryobank’s donor sibling registry, but this is a larger site for those who aren’t able to do that.
Books for Adults:
Please note, I don’t agree with everything each of these authors writes. In fact I haven’t read most of them completely yet. (I hit a point of information overload and had already decided to start my family, so I put some aside for later.) That said, I did find them useful to read or at least skim when making my own decisions about whether to conceive, whether to use an open donor or not, and what and when to tell my son.
Single Mothers by Choice by Jane Mattes – Jane is the founder of the website listed above by the same name. While her experiences are little different since times have changed, I still found this book gave me lots to think about as I started my journey. It was the first I read and the only one I read cover to cover.
Finding Our Families by Wendy Kramer – This is actually written for (grown) donor conceived children and their families. I haven’t read all of it, but wanted something from that perspective when I was making my decision to start a family. I may return to it as my son grows older if I find it’s relevant to the questions or emotions he has.
Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families by Diane Ehrensaft PhD – As the title implies this book helps you think about what questions may arise and how you will choose to answer them.
Books for Kids:
I haven’t purchased all these for my son yet, but these have been recommended on my SMC groups by other moms. The books with ** are ones we own and ones I read to my son now (at almost two years old).
**The Family Book by Todd Parr – I love this one because it celebrates all families.
**I’ve Got Dibs!: A Donor Sibling Story by Amy Dorfman – This one starts with a simple, age-appropriate explanation of how SMC children are conceived, and then goes on to explain and celebrate donor siblings.