Month: March 2015

Two-Week Torture: Surviving the Waiting Period (No Pun Intended)

Posted in Single motherhood, trying to conceiveLeave a comment

Originally posted on March 22, 2015 on Merely Mothers (now Evie & Sarah)

As with any new adventure in life, this journey toward single motherhood is teaching me a lot about myself. And I’m not talking about my biology, though I’ve certainly spent more time examining signs of fertility than I ever cared to. Nope, I’m talking about the stuff you can’t measure quantitatively. In this case, patience.

Recently I had my first IUI. The procedure itself was swift and easy; I was in and out of the office in a matter of minutes. Then came the next phase, the two-week wait (TWW). Two weeks. Two busy, work and fun-filled weeks. How hard could it be? I thought. My post-TWW self knows the answer: excruciatingly hard. But my naïve, pre-TWW self hadn’t a clue.

First mistake: I thought two weeks would go by fast. In reality it dragged on like a snag in my nylons on parent conference night, slowly growing worse and worse, becoming more and more impossible to ignore. Second mistake: I thought I could easily manage my anxiety. Then my car needed expensive repairs, my students turned in a mountain of work I needed to correct, and I had a 13-hour day smack dab in the middle of the TWW because of parent conferences (minus the runny nylons, at least). And my final mistake: I thought I wouldn’t get my hopes up. I logically knew it was only about a ten percent chance that it would work. But the optimist in me got the better of logic and began to turn every gas pain into a hopeful sign of implantation.

My disciplined plan to stay off the internet and refrain from peeing on a stick until day 12 flew out the window by day 9. Instead of unburying myself from some of that correcting, I spent hours researching everything from early pregnancy signs to daycare costs (one of many inducers of the midnight mini-panic attacks that plagued me during the sleepless stretch near the end). By the morning of day 10 I was down the rabbit hole. I’d cracked open the first home pregnancy test and wasted hours online. And I was pretty disappointed—not by the negative test result, but in myself.

I’m not that girl! my inner monologue screamed. I’m not impatient, undisciplined, or obsessive. Or am I? Had I forgotten that my parents taught me to read a digital clock well before most kids could tell time, just so I wouldn’t wake them up, all eager to start my day, at some ungodly hour of the early morning? Or that I can’t keep ice cream in the house for fear of finishing the container before noon? Or that I decorated my entire condo to look like Hogwarts for the release of the final Harry Potter book? Because those things sound a lot like the actions of someone who’s a wee bit impatient, undisciplined, and obsessive.

I guess I should have seen the crazy coming. But I didn’t, not this time. As disappointed as I was to have Aunt Flow arrive days ahead of schedule, it was probably a pretty good thing she did. I might have been carrying around pregnancy tests in my pocket for each and every pee by day 14. And I’m pretty sure that would have caused a stir at the middle school where I teach.

Good intentions and learning from experience aside, when something so potentially life-changing and wonderful is in my future, there’s no way I’m going to “Keep Calm and Carry On.” But letting it rule my life for two-week stretches at a time isn’t healthy either. So what’s my plan for next time? How can I embrace my proclivity to pee early and often and still stay sane? By allowing a little crazy each day.

As an obsessive to-do list maker (another sign I missed, apparently), I love planning out my week. I schedule in everything: household chores, school work, time to write, time to exercise, time to correct—and next IUI, time to obsess. This was advice shared by one of the many wonderful women on the Single Mothers by Choice forums, and it makes perfect sense. By admitting that I need a little time in these two weeks to get excited (and nervous), to get support, and to get answers, even unscientific Dr. Google answers, I won’t need to beat myself up when I give in. But by limiting it to a reasonable amount each day, leaving plenty of time to focus on the more important aspects of life, I won’t reach the end feeling I’d wasted two weeks with nothing to show for it but more stress. (Though hopefully I’ll have something to show for it, sooner rather than later!)

Waiting will never be easy. In fact, the more times I need to wait, the more torturous it will likely be. And not being the patient, disciplined, reasonable woman I thought I was adds some challenges. But challenges help us grow and change…or maybe they just help us see and accept ourselves as we are, as we’ve always been.

Acceptance aside, other suggestions on how to remain sane (or as sane as I ever am) are always welcome!

The Tips, Tricks, and Superstitions of Conceiving

Posted in Single motherhood, trying to conceiveLeave a comment

Originally posted on March 8, 2015 on Merely Mothers (now Evie & Sarah)

Lucky Socks. Special diet. Visualizing. And foot warmers? Nope, these aren’t the tools used by competitive skiers. These are the tips, tricks, and superstitious routines of women trying to conceive (TTC).

I admit, even before making my first doctor’s visit, I trolled the web for any and all advice to help my chances. From supporting many friends, I’ve seen that TTC can be emotionally exhausting. As a single woman needing to rely on doctors and donors, it’s also expensive. The fewer cycles I need to conceive, the better.

Unfortunately, there’s no fertility potion, super sperm, or voodoo magic that can guarantee a BFP, or big fat positive. But there are plenty of old wives’ tales, some scientific research, and a few just-for-fun practices that I am totally willing to try.

Warm and funny: Apparently sperm and eggs are particular about the temperature at which they like to meet and multiply. While I understand the science behind not frying these puppies in a sauna or hot tub during the two week wait, some sites seemed to have some wonky ideas that take it a step further. More than one mentioned avoiding cold beverages. I like herbal tea and can live with room temperature water for a couple weeks, so why not? But my favorite was the blog that insisted on keeping one’s feet warm because “warm feet=warm uterus.” Really? For me, having cold feet at any time of the month is a torture worse than water boarding. I wear socks to bed in the dog days of August. So throwing some feet warmers in my slippers on cold nights is a bonus regardless of whether it works.

And since I’m wearing socks anyway . . . why not have a little fun? The best thread I’ve read by far on the Single Mother’s by Choice boards is the one titled Insemisocks. Yup, that’s short for insemination socks, and that’s not even the funniest part. Women not only don their adorable lucky socks on the day of their IUIs and IVFs, but a number of them go right ahead and snap a picture of them still in the stirrups. While I’m more comfortable snapping my sock-selfie in the privacy of my home while fully clothed, I’m still willing to partake. Anything that brings laughter to me and others (like the smirking nurse who gets to see them) is okay by me.

Sticking Power: After showing off my fab socks each cycle, there are supposedly a few foods that will assist in implantation of the embryo. In less clinical terms, I’m eating pineapple and nuts in hopes of turning my uterus into a tiny Velcro vessel. The pineapple ‘trick’ calls for taking a ripe pineapple and cutting it into five sections, keeping the core. Eat one section a day starting on the day of your procedure (or the day you get down to it, if you’re doing this the natural way) and bam, Velcro. The thought is the bromelain in the core increases your sticking power, but there’s no evidence this is anything more than a delicious old wives’ tale.

Another nutrient that reportedly has similar benefits (with a little more science behind it) is selenium, which is found in many nuts, particularly Brazil nuts, but also in cashews, walnuts, and Macadamia nuts. So once the socks come off, I’ll be snacking on some mixed nuts and pineapple chunks. I suppose a virgin piña colada would break the “no cold drinks” rule, though, huh?

Head games: One TTC tip mentioned in nearly everything I read, from the scientific sites to the mom blogs, was to try to relax. Whether it is through visualizing the cells in your body beginning to grow into a baby, doing yoga or meditation, or having acupuncture or Reiki treatments, you need to try to chill. This is much easier said than done, I’m learning, but managing stress is important for everyone, TTC or not.

If you can afford to get some trained help in this area, studies have proven acupuncture can increase one’s chances of conceiving. Having never had it before myself, I think it might actually increase my anxiety on the day of an IUI unless I get the chance to try a session or two ahead of time, so I’m passing on this one for now. Luckily, though, I have a close friend who’s trained to perform Reiki, another form of alternative healing and relaxation. The few sessions she’s done have been wonderfully calming and comforting, something that’s good for the soul, baby on board or not.

Since Skyping the Stork and telling him to make it quick apparently isn’t possible, I’m left with these other options: eat well, stay warm, laugh often, and stress less. It’s no magic bean, but until the time is right and the real magic begins, it’ll have to do.